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Kim Tomsic
Showing posts with label Debbie Ridpath Ohi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Debbie Ridpath Ohi. Show all posts

Saturday, October 26, 2024

53 Sure-Fire Ways to Make Your Picture Book Manuscript Ready for Submission: The Ultimate Editing and Revising Checklist!




53 Tricks to Make Sure Your Picture Book is Submission Ready: Kim's Editing and Revising Checklist

By Kim Tomsic

Huzzah! You've written a picture book, you've worked with a critique group, and now you're wondering if it's ready to submit. Work through this checklist. Revise and edit if necessary. Then bring this checklist to your next critique meeting, so they can help you see the cleanest answer to each of the following: 



Is My Picture Book Ready? Final Checklist:

Did you keep your story’s theme/ “aboutness” present and alive in the beginning, middle, and end? Name what your story is about________________________

If you are writing about a character, do you have reasons for readers to identify with the character (will readers root for this character because of sympathy, empathy, likability, competency, super-power quality)?

Is this story for a child?


Is there a placeholder for the child’s emotions?

Is there a hook and is the hook compelling (this applies to both journey stories and concept books – remember a concept book is an “early learning concept” like the alphabet, shapes, colors, numbers, seasons, days of the week, etc.)?

Is there a reason for the reader to become invested during early pages?

If your story has a character, is the reader able to track the character’s emotions/how the character feels during the story?

If you are writing a hero’s journey, do you have a clear reason why TODAY is the day that sends the hero on the journey? Why must the story question or story problem be answered TODAY of all days? _________________________________ If you can’t answer this, your readers might ask, “So what? Why does any of this matter right now? Why not just do it another day?”

Is there a clear goal?

Are there meaningful stakes (what is at risk or what happens if the protagonist doesn’t achieve their goal)?

Is there room for a ticking timeclock in your story; and if so, have you used it to the best of your abilities?

Are you bringing a new and vibrant angle to a story that has been told before? If you are


creating a concept book or journey, what fresh and new ways are you adding to the conversation? ______________________________________

If you are creating a concept book or a journey, is there a piece of YOU that you can uniquely bring to this story?

(Journey and Concept) Does this story have BOTH meaning and music (a captivating, meaningful story told with fresh and delightful words) such that the reader wants to open this book a second, third, and fourth time?

Do the verbs in your story match the vibes you are trying to create (if not, upgrade those verbs)?

Is your story a piece of theater that the reader can perform for the child? Does your story have performance quality for the read aloud (e.g., pace + important page turn moments matched with gorgeous language or funny language or rhythmic or musical language or onomatopoeia or something else)?

Do you have rising action and/or rising tension or an escalation?

Did you reach a clear midpoint in the story and at the right pace?

Did you delete all darlings?  “Darling” words/lines or “darling” characters are ones that if deleted, nothing about the story would change. *Note – a darling might be something taking up too much real estate in your story without contributing as a “foil” or to the aboutness, story beat, emotional state, character reveal and reason to root, stakes, goal, or rising tension. A darling might also be something that takes your readers down an unintended different path.  

Have you checked the pace of your story by making a pb dummy? My favorite picture book dummy templates are provided for FREE by author/illustrator Debbi Ridpath Ohi. 

Here is Debbie Ridpath Ohi's link to her Free Dummy Templates.


After you make your dummy have you searched for ways to be more concise?

Have you successfully included more “showing” moments than “telling” moments? Have you made decisions around each moment to note if it is best to show, tell, or show and tell?

Have you highlighted your manuscript to see if you have a good balance of action + dialogue? You can track more than that, too; you might see if you have too much exposition and if so, consider how you might transform some of it into action and dialogue.

Have you searched “to be” verbs (am/ is/ are/ was/ were) to see if you can upgrade some of these into action verbs?

Did you choose strong and fresh verbs (yes – so many checkboxes around verbs, and that’s not an accident. That’s to show how important they are)?

Did you delete any unnecessary intensifiers or filler words (just, always, usually, very, etc.) – the key is “unnecessary”. If the word goes away and nothing changes, you don’t need it.

Have you considered each time you say “began” or “started” and considered deleting. Try the sentence without that hesitation word (for example, I began to run vs. I ran; I started to rush up the stairs vs. I bolted up the stairs) and see if you achieve the same vibe.

Does your protagonist or narrator have a flaw and/or would the story benefit if your


character was flawed or slightly flawed (know-it-all, persnickety, bossy, nosy, stubborn, grumpy, selfish, proud, braggy, miserly, spendthrift, lacks boundaries, etc.)?

Do you have the right narrator and/or the right protagonist?

  Have you considered your story in a variety of ways (1st person, second person, 3rd person, prose, verse) to make sure you have the best vehicle for this story?

If you are choosing rhyme, have you made sure to avoid “Yoda-speak” and/or awkward


sentences. Delete anything that sounds forced or backwards for the sake of rhyme –aka make sure you don’t have forced rhyme. The must be the star of the book over the rhyme.

If you are choosing rhyme, have you tried a scansion test to track if your rhythm/meters are on pointed your story?

Here is a link on what is scancion and "how to scansion" from Master Class.

For any story - is each sentence the right length for the moment? Make sure you aren’t cramming several ideas into one sentence. Avoid overly long sentences, especially at the beginning when a reader is just discovering the story – try your best not to go past 17 words in a sentence unless there is a compelling reason to do so (e.g., perhaps a long sentence is purposeful to add to the mood, energy, comedy, hysteria, or character’s personality).

Are you (mostly) using invisible tags over effusive dialogue tags? Would the characters


shine brighter and the story flow smoother if the tags become invisible - e.g., he said/she said/they said (these are called “invisible tags”). Most writing advice says invisible tags are the way to go – sure, you can do something different occasionally; but if you do it on every page, it might weigh down your story.

Are you making sure to delete stage directions that can be left to the illustrator? A stage direction can be a wasteful use of storytelling text (and you only have a 500-word budget).  An example might be something like, “Madeline opened the door, walked down the hall, and turned left.” You don’t have to say this since the illustrations will orient the reader. Delete a stage direction when it doesn’t add any meaning or music to the scene, character reveal, plot, or theme enhancements.

Are you making sure to hold on to a stage direction when it adds to the pace and delight of the read aloud performance (e.g., slowing down the pace and stretching it out in a dramatic moment).

Are you leaving space for the illustrator to be creative?


Can you delete any or all illustration notes? Trust illustrators to their craft and try not to step in their lane.

Are you making sure that your story can be enjoyed and understood even by the most active child who is listening in the back of the library or classroom during story time? (Yes – it’s important to have space for the illustrator, but don’t let the pendulum swing too hard. It is also important that the text captivates, connects, and engages the listener).

Are you trusting your reader rather than overwriting? Remember, a picture book is a balance of the writer, the illustrator, and the readers – each bring something to the experience.

Have you tracked your transitions (concept and journey stories)? Take another look and see if you are using the best transitions possible to thread moments together (bridges) that flow naturally while still shining a light on the trajectory of your story’s aboutness?

  Have you searched for moments when the exposition can be better delivered through dialogue instead?

Is your character in agency – driving the plot and or affecting the world around them (journey story).

Is the aboutness present in Act I?

Is the aboutness present in Act II and is your break into act ii a “squeeze the toothpaste”
moment?

Is the aboutness present in Act III?

Are you leaving space for the reader’s brain to work such that you are not delivering a story that is that is too “on the nose”? 😊Discoveries and engagement are parts of reading enjoyment.

Did you avoid being didactic, lesson-y and/or preachy?

Is the emotional state at the beginning of the story different than at the end of the story (the situation or the protagonist in a journey story; the sense of wow or awe or knowledge at the end of a concept book)?

Have you avoided unsatisfactory repeating (this is different than poetic and purposeful


repeating)? Go line-by-line (or perhaps paragraph by paragraph) and ask yourself if the line/paragraph achieves any of the following. Does it:

·       reveal character (revealing something about character to contribute to the reasons to root for this character in terms of sympathy/ empathy/jeopardy, likability, competency or power)

·       or does it contribute to moving the plot forward in a new way that hasn’t yet happened

·       or does it appear in the right order in terms of rising action

·       or does it illuminate goals or stakes

·       or is the repeat intentional to add musicality or emphasis or a refrain

·       or does it enhance the “aboutness” or theme of the story with meaning (aboutness) and music (the best choice of words)?

Do you feel satisfied by the “so what” questions like why does this story matter and why will it be meaningful to a reader and why does it matter right now?

Have you ended on a surprising yet inevitable note or discovered a “wow” ending or provided an ending that will keep the reader thinking about the story even after the last page has been turned?

Were you able to achieve everything above in 500 words or less?

P.S. A few parting tips:

Have you read Ann Whitford Paul's book, On Writing Picture Books: The Revised and Expanded Edition? If not you should!

Have you looked for mentor texts? That helps, too.

Have you been reading and reading and reading in the genre that you'd like to be published? If yes, A+ to you!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Kid Lit for Haiti Online Auction #KidLitForHaiti

What is Kid-Lit for Haiti?
Kid Lit for Haiti is an online auction featuring talent donated by authors, illustrators, editors, art directors, and agents.  100% of the proceeds benefit the students supported by the 501c3 Nonprofit organization called The Friends of HaitiInc. 
All money from this auction will be used for scholarships for students in Haiti.


This auction has ended! 

UPDATE: Thank you so much for participating in the 2014 Kid Lit for Haiti online auction. Please check back in 2015 -or subscribe to this blog so you can be notified when we offer this opportunity again!


2014 Kid Lit for Haiti raised over $3,500.00 in donations! Thank you!

What kinds of things are included in the 2014 Kid Lit for Haiti auction?

Manuscript critiques, Mentorships, Signed Books, Advanced reader copy books, Portfolio reviews, Book club set, Social Media Consultation, Membership in 12x12, and access to an online seminar.



Who is participating?

Melissa Manlove, Editor from Chronicle Children’s Books—manuscript critique (2000 words = up to five of your picture books critiqued!!!) Last chance to bid is today-December 14 2014!!****this auction item has closed. Thank you!


Help spread the word and you could WIN a copy of CHAINED by Lynne Kelly!
Please support #KidLitForHaiti by sharing about it on Twitter or Facebook. Then place a comment on the bottom of this post and me know where you shared. One lucky winner will receive a copy a Lynne Kelly's book, signed and personalized (shipped to a U.S. address).

REMEMBER: 1. TWEET or Facebook
                         2. Comment below, and tell me where you posted.


idea for sharing (you can copy and paste this)

CRITIQUES from Authors/Editors/Agents/Art Directors/Illustrators available on #KidLitForHaiti online auction! at http://bit.ly/10Zv9YZ

or:
Signed ARCs + signed and doodled books available from authors and illustrators supporting #KidLitForHaiti at this site  http://bit.ly/10Zv9YZ 

or
Get a CRITIQUE, a PORTFOLIO review, membership in 12x12, signed ARCs and more at #KidLitForHaiti auction http://bit.ly/10Zv9YZ  

or 

Kid Lit Publishing folks donating their talent to support #KidLitForHaiti auction  http://bit.ly/10Zv9YZ

or 

Illustrators supporting #KidLitForHaiti You can bid for #illustrator items at  http://bit.ly/10Zv9YZ

or

Authors giving away Books or Critique or Class! Why-to help students at #KidLitForHaiti here  http://bit.ly/10Zv9YZ


Auction closing times: 11:59pm Mountain Standard Time

How to bid:

Click on the above hyperlinks to bid and discover details about the generous auction donations. Bidding will take place in the comment section on the individual post where details about the participant and the item they are offering are found. 

When does the auction open and close?
The auction is now open! Items have varying closing dates. Please check each item for respective closing date (ranging from December 11, 2014 to December 16, 2014).

Tell me more about the charity Kid-Lit for Haiti supports.
THE CHARITY is a “mom & pop” nonprofit 501 (c)3 charity called The Friends ofHaiti Inc. (TFOHI). My father started this charity after he helped build a community center in 2009/2010 in Pignon, Haiti (a community with a water poverty index even lower than that of Calcutta, India). After he built the community center, he continued volunteering in Haiti and couldn’t help but notice the lack of medical care—one hospital he visited had a total of four doctors for the entire city. It didn’t take long for my dad to have his big idea—to form a charity to provide scholarships for Haitian students who want to go to medical school to become a doctor or nurse.
The terms of the scholarships we provide for the Haitian students require the student to remain in and work in Haiti for a minimum of five years upon graduation. We hope this will be a step in helping Haiti become a self-sustaining nation. Our scholarship students were hand selected from a pool of bright individuals who had no funds for school, because they’d lost either one or both parent in the 2011 earthquake; or they come from a family with a monthly income of less than $30/month (if you’d like to learn more about Christila—a young lady who my Colorado student-volunteers support—click here)
The charity is all-volunteer based; nobody in the charity takes a salary—100% of your money will directly support a student. I call it a “mom and pop” charity because, well, my dad, my stepmom, my brother and I are all involved. Furthermore, my father takes a personal interest in the life of every student we support. He visits their home, he brings them food and clothing, he visits with their teachers, and he follows up on their grades.
Last December, my father and stepmom spent the entire holiday month flying several trips from Nevada to Florida, delivering dozens and dozens of pieces of luggage to Food for the Poor, since Food for the Poor offered to share space on their plane flying from Florida to Haiti. Each tattered piece of luggage was jam-packed with medical supplies, rice, clothing and used computers—all donations for the students and their community.
Once the Food for the Poor plane landed in Port au Prince, a representative of The Friends of Haiti Inc. met the flight and received the donations to distribute to the students. Why fly—it was less expensive than shipping—and my dad and stepmom did this on their own dime. Furthermore, they didn’t just give away their time in December, 2013; in December, 2012 they also flew back and forth until they succeeded at delivering 45 pieces of luggage so the students, the school, and the Haitian community could have some essentials.
If you’d like to donate to the charity, but you did not win an auction item, please contact Kim Tomsic at:
 ktomsic @gmail.com.

Why Kid-Lit for Haiti?
I once listened to Sherman Alexie speak at a sold-out SCBWI conference; the speech came after he won the National Book Award in Young People’s Literature for his novel The Absolutely True Story of a Part Time Indian. His speech received laughter, tears and a standing ovation—behaviors for which he expressed surprise. Sherman Alexie typically writes for the adult market, and so he acted shocked at the goodwill and generosity of folks from the children’s literature industry. Perhaps a joke, but he said something like—wow, you people root for one another. But it’s true—you’ll not find a better bunch than those in kid-lit.
The people in the kid lit industry are simply kind and generous—so it shouldn’t be shocking that I got a fast and easy YES from the folks whom I asked to participate in an auction to support a charity that finances students in Haiti.



How to bid:

Click on the above hyperlinks to discover details about the generous auction donations. Want to bid? Find the post featuring the particular item for which you'd like to bid; then add a bid by writing in the "comment" section your increased bid and your contact information. 

When does the auction open and close?
The auction is now open! Items have varying closing dates. Please check each item for respective closing date (ranging from December 11, 2014 to December 16, 2014).

What happens if I win?
Winners will be notified and must be prepared to make a donation in the amount of the high bid payable directly to TheFriends of Haiti Inc. Because there are a handful of charities all named The Friends of Haiti Inc. be sure to use the PayPal button I provide for you or follow the hyperlink in this post. Our charity is based out of Henderson, Nevada. Remember our charity name has “Inc” and also it is a “(dot) Org”. www.thefriendsofhaitiinc.org  Payment from the highest bidder is to take place immediately following the auction. After you make the payment, you’ll forward a copy of the receipt to me at ktomsic@gmail.com, and I will put you in contact with the person who is donating your winning item.

Who is the organizer behind this event ?
Hi! I’m Kim Tomsic. I volunteer in many capacities with the SCBWI. Though this is not an SCBWI event, it’s all SCBWI members donating to it. I am an author and a philanthropist, and I serve on the board of directors for my father’s “Mom and Pop” charity called The Friends of Haiti Inc. 
WHO ELSE IS BEHIND THIS: An incredible group of high school volunteers:  Cayman Tomsic, Mei  Zachwieja, Jason Fontillas, Andrea Staehelin, and Patrick Simpson.


Corporte Sponsors of Kid Lit for Haiti: 


Thank you, thank you, thank you: 

Rock Creek Spine and Rehabilitation, 

                                Ben Oliver of Four Star Realty

                                                                                Boulder Shares

THESE folks have generously sponsored our students in Haiti for three years in a row:


ROCK CREEK SPINE AND REHABILITATION
Click Here to learn more about Rock Creek Spine and Rehabilitation 
Click here to learn more about BEN OLIVER of Four Star Realty
Click here to learn more about Boulder Shares and Leslie Sosnowski
BEN OLIVER,
FOUR STAR REALTY





Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Author and Illustrator Debbie Ridpath Ohi Donating Signed & Doodled Book PLUS Social Media Platform Critique #KidLitForHaiti

KID LIT FOR HAITI:  Debbie Ridpath Ohi is donating two very unique auction items to ONE lucky winner: First, she will sign AND doodle (!!) a copy of any book she has illustrated (winner’s choice!—and shipped anywhere in the world). Second, this same winner will also receive a social media platform critique. The winning bidder will provide Debbie with basic info (she’ll provide a form by e-mail to help you) which will help her understand your goals. With the latter in mind, she will review your URLs and provide a two-page critique by e-mail within six weeks. Please note: Debbie's written critique will help you identify your needs and how to improve your social media platform—things you must execute; she will not be involved in the execution nor promotion.

Debbie has been creating websites and blogging since the early days of the Web. She is the founder of Inkspot, which was one of the first websites for writers, and had nearly 50,000 subscribers to her email newsletter. With 29,000 Twitter Followers and savvy insider skills, Debbie proves she knows social media and will surely provide great insight to one lucky auction winner!





BIO:
DebbieRidpath Ohi writes and illustrates books for young people in Toronto, Canada. Recent illustration projects include NAKED! by Michael Ian Black and Judy Blume classics reissued in chapter book and middle grade format by Atheneum Books For Young Readers/Simon & Schuster. Her illustrations also appear in NY Times Notable Children's Book, I'MBORED (author: Michael Ian Black, Simon & Schuster BFYR). Launching 2015: WHERE ARE MY BOOKS? (her debut as author AND illustrator).  For Debbie's other current and upcoming book projects with Simon & Schuster, HarperCollins and Random House: Debbieohi.com/books. Her blog for writers/illustrators: Inkygirl.com. Twitter: @inkyelbows.

This auction: is for a signed AND doodled copy of any book (winner’s choice) illustrated by author Debbie Ridpath Ohi (book can be mailed to anywhere in the world), plus a social media platform critique. The winning bidder will provide Debbie with basic info (she’ll provide a form by e-mail to help you) which will help her understand your goals. With the latter in mind, she will review your URLs and provide a 2-page critique by e-mail within six weeks. Please note: Debbie's written critique will help you identify your needs and how to improve your social media platform—things you must execute; she will not be involved in the execution nor promotion.

How do I bid?
Place your bid in the comment section by increasing the previous bid. Please include information about how I may contact you if you are the winning bidder; I can be reached for questions in the comment section here or at ktomsic@gmail.com

When does this auction for Debbie Ridpath Ohi's talent close?
**This Auction will close on December 15, 2014 at 11:59 Mountain Standard Time**

What are other items on the Kid Lit for Hait (#KidLitForHaiti) Auction?
To Visit a full list of all the auction items featured on Kid Lit for Haiti: PLEASE CLICK HERE

What happens if I win?
I will contact the winning bidder (remember to provide your contact information!). You will make your donation at this donation link and then you will email a copy of your receipt, your full mailing address, and your book choice to me at ktomsic@gmail.com. Then, I will forward your winning information to Debbie and she will ship directly to you, plus contact you to start your critique.

How do I know when new auction items are posted to this blog:

You can receive emails when new auction items are listed. Simply enter your email address in the upper left corner of this blog where it says "Follow by email". You will only receive an email when a new post is created on this blog.

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