10 Tricks to Revise your Writing and Make Your Manuscript Sing

Top Ten Tricks to Revise your Writing and Make your Manuscript Sing©

By Kim Tomsic

I recently met with a group of children’s book writers for a brain-storming session on revision techniques. Here’s what we came up with:

1.      Choose strong verbs to make your sentences active NOT passive.

2.      Use consonants to nail humor. Comedy writers say consonants are funnier than vowels, so revise word choice where needed. For example, corndog is funnier than ice cream, upchuck is funnier than vomit.

3.      Watch out for using “STARTS”. Avoid having your character “start” or “begin” something. Don’t have him start walking down the street or begin making dinner. Think like Nike™—just do it!  The exception: “Started” works when the character begins to do something, but then stops, i.e. “I started to close the door, but the stranger caught it with his foot.”

4.     

Showing makes us feel closer to the protagonist. Duh! As writers, we’ve heard this a gazillion times—show don’t tell. And sure, there are moments to tell, but if you want your reader walking shoulder-to-

shoulder with your protagonist, showing is a smart way to put the reader in the protagonist's shoes. We all know that, yet we still make the mistake of too much telling. Not to worry, that’s what revisions are for! When editing your manuscript, weigh every sentence in your story. Does it show or does it tell? I have an amazing example borrowed from Matt de la Peña’s book, We Were Here. In the book, the main character is smack in the middle of a first kiss. Instead of giving the reader a “tell” line like, “I was nervous” or “I felt awkward” the author shows how the character felt by writing:

 

On the outside I tried to make like everything was super smooth and calm and my palms were dry as hell, but inside my mind was thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts like: How long do I keep my mouth open? And when do I turn my face? And how much tongue do I use? And where do I put my hands? And how are we supposed to breathe?(255).

 

5.      Listen to the voice. Ask yourself if each line meets the voice you intend to convey. Read it aloud and think of your audience. If you get bored with the sound of your prose, your audience will grow bored, too. Next, have somebody else read your story aloud and listen to the words with fresh ears (especially picture book writers). You may hear the reader emphasize words you did not intend to highlight, or you may hear the story exactly as you anticipated.

6.      DO THE EXTRA WORK. If you know your writing weaknesses, search your manuscript for those problem areas. Read books in your genre. Use tools—author John McPhee advises writers to skip the thesaurus and use the dictionary when looking for better words. He says the dictionary gives the subtle nuances around the meaning of words and can inspire better choices. I say use both! 

7.      Keep a rules book, especially if your story has magic. And let your readers in on the rules, so they

understand the stakes. Also make a timeline for your story to keep things in sync. I remember one author saying his copy editor found he had eight weeks in his October!

8.      Make a check list to see if your story contains satisfying plot elements.

¨   Does your character have a want (and does reader want to root for MC)?

¨  Do you have a flawed protagonist? I hope so! Nobody wants to root for a perfect character.

¨   Is there an inciting incident?

¨   Does your story have real stakes and tension?

¨   Does your main character (m.c.) make things happen, instead of having a bunch of things happen to him?

¨   Do you have a compelling antagonist vs. a gratuitous antagonist?

¨   Do you have interesting subplots?

¨   Does your protagonist make a big decisions that propels them through a couple of “doorways” ? A doorway, in my eyes, is a point of no return—imagine toothpaste squeezing out of a tube, once you squeeze it out, you can’t put it back in. Some giant examples include: killing someone, announcing a classmate's secret over the school’s loudspeakers, burning down a building…those are all things you can’t undo…you can’t unkill (in most books), you can’t untell, you can’t unburn. **Please note—the doorways are the most compelling when your main character makes a decision, NOT when something happens to them. However, sometimes a protagonist is thrust into Act II. But from that point forward, make sure they drive the plot movement.

¨ Do you have "But" or "Therefore" action between story beats (you should!) rather than "and then this happens...and then this happens." Want to know more? Check out this video at NYU with the makers of South Park.

¨  Do you have a second doorway that leads into Act III? I hope so!

¨   Do you have a black moment when your main character almost gives up or feels at his low?

¨   Do you have a showdown moment and/or a climax?

¨   Does your main character change by the end of the story?

¨   Did you tie up loose ends?

9.       JOIN A CRITIQUING GROUP. Get involved in a critiquing group and listen to at least some of the advice. Be a good receiver and a good reviewer. We get so close to our work, it's hard to hear it clearly after a while. The more you critique somebody's work, the more you're able to see the flaws that need fixing in your own manuscript.

10.  10. Add tools (craft books) to your toolbox: 

The Emotional Thesaurus

Spunk and Bite

Rivit Your Reader with Deep Pointof View

Save the Cat

WORKING WITH ME: I'd love to speak at your workshop, conference, or school! Contact me here.

The Elephants Come Home: A True Story of Seven Elephants, Two People, and One Extraordinary Friendship

 

Winner of the Keystone to Reading Award!

Winner of the Norman A. Sugarman Honor!

Nominated for the2023-2024  California Young Readers Award!

Nominated for the 2024 Beehive Award!

Nominated for the 2024 Nutmeg Award!

The Elephants Come Home (ISBN: 978-1452127835) is the amazing true story of a herd of elephants, the man who saved them, and the miracle of love that brought them home.

DO YOU DO SCHOOL VISITS? Absolutely! I'd love to your speak to your students in person live or via Zoom! Contact me here. We can customize a visit, or you can check out my menu of school visit options here.

One day in 1999, Lawrence Anthony and Françoise Malby Anthony receive word that a herd of wild African elephants need a new home. They welcome the elephants to their wildlife sanctuary—Thula Thula—with open arms. But the elephants are much less sure they want to stay. How will Lawrence prove to them that they are safe and loved? What follows is a gorgeously illustrated real-life story of friendship . . . and the story of the miraculous way that love given freely will return—greater and more wonderful than it began.

Critical Praise:

“[A] moving true story. . . (Have tissues handy.) [The Elephants Come Home’s] flawless, gentle pacing [and] pages with saturated, eye-catching teal, copper, and emerald hues. . . . heighten the story’s emotional impact. . .”—The Horn Book Magazine

“In brief action-packed sentences, Tomsic informs readers of all the steps taken to bring [the elephants] back, with the text placed against Hooper’s beautifully realized illustrations of African animals and the vast, gorgeous landscape…with its focus on the elephants and the protagonists, this book is lovely, tender, and moving.”       —Kirkus Reviews

 This touching true story portrays conservationist Lawrence Anthony’s relationship with a frightened, hunted herd that found a home at his reserve in South Africa, Thula Thula..The importance of conservation shines through the friendship story here, and both themes are beautifully complemented by Hooper’s detailed, atmospheric drawings of the elephants and their surroundings.”—Booklist

“The illustrations are expansive with a limited color palette of warm oranges and cool greens and blues. The animal characters are dynamic, humorous, and emotive. . . . A sentimental but high-­interest story based on true events of the bond between wild animals and the humans who care for them, suitable for early elementary students.”         —School Library Journal

Copies are available at Changing Hands Bookstore

• TOUCHING ANIMAL FRIENDSHIPS: Owen and Mzee, Tarra and Bella, Rescue and Jessica . . . touching true stories of the emotional bonds possible between species are charming, and speak to the limitlessness of love.
• ELEPHANTS: Elephants are one of the most fascinating and charming wild animals in all of nature. This heartwarming true story will intrigue & inspire children, turning the most reluctant readers into elephant enthusiasts.
• CONSERVATION THEME: This book tells the true story of caring for one of the world's most beloved endangered animals: the African elephant. This book is a great, upbeat jumping-off point for discussions of the importance of preserving endangered species and their environments.
• ENGAGING NONFICTION: There's no better way to get readers hooked on factual books than to offer them real-life stories with heart and meaning.
• STRONG CURRICULUM CONNECTIONS: The Next Generation Science Standards (NGSS) emphasize learning about animal habitats/biomes in K–2 curriculums, while later grades address topics like conservation and endangered species. With a depth of research and an engaging, highly visual narrative, this book is an excellent resource for librarians and primary school educators.

Perfect for ages 4-9:
• Kindergarten and elementary school teachers           Lovers of animals, wildlife, and the natural world
• Parents and grandparents                                         Zoo and natural history museumgoers
• Librarians                                                                  Parents and Kids of all ages

Ninja Moves for a Successful Book Launch

Todd Tuell, author of the action-packed picture book NINJA NINJA NEVER STOP (Abrams, April 2014 ), entertained dozens of kids at his book launch which was held at that Maime Doud Eisenhower Public Library in Broomfield, Colorado on April 27, 2014. Kids laughed, danced, chopped, made crafts, played games, ate ninja-lato, and bought books! It was one of the most successful and exciting book launch parties I’ve ever seen.

Perhaps Todd has a jump in the fun-department, since he has previous experience as a preschool teacher. Whatever his source of ninja moves and magic, kids love his book! Of course they do—it’s fun, and colorful, and invites the mind to journey on a clever path full of possibilities. Kirkus reviews says of NINJA NINJA NEVER STOP, "bright primary hues add energetic yet retro feel to carpenters illustrations a good choice for mischievous preschoolers with an interest in martial arts.” 

K: Hi, Todd! Thanks for agreeing to an interview. Congratulations on a fun and fantastic story. Without a doubt NINJA NINJA NEVER STOP is a hit! I understand you've already done several school visits as well as your book launch party. What went into your decision-making for planning your launch and the school visits?

Thank you so much, Kim, for this opportunity to share some of what I’ve learned with your readers.

The first thing that went into planning was to look at my book launch as something bigger than an individual event. This was great advice I got from my agent, Rubin Pfeffer. For that, I’ve focused on creating some resources to get kids excited about the book, about reading and all the fun of being a ninja. By putting all of this together, I can generate some buzz by helping anyone around the country host a fun ninja event in places I can’t physically attend. Now that I’ve put these elements together and tested them out with my own events, I can distribute them as an online resource kit. You can look for these on my website in the coming weeks.

It’s also been important to me to share the experience with those parts of my life that have been so important. So for my initial events, I approached my children’s elementary teachers and our local library, practically our second home. These teachers and librarians have been such a big part of our family and even my writing career. It was only natural to include them.

K: How do the plans you make for school visit differ from what you prepare for bookstore or library appearances?

With a school visit there is inherent structure and elements of decorum. The expected classroom behavior is understood and generally accepted by the children in the classroom. In that environment, the kids know how to move from one activity to another. Additionally, your host in the school, either the teacher or librarian you are working with, generally has the hope that you’ll bring some type of academically driven activity to extend what they’ve been doing in the classroom. The one thing to remember is that you’ll probably only have the teacher with you in the classroom to help with activities. Make sure that the individual activities you bring such as writing exercises can be self-directed by the children.

A library is much different. It’s a different environment than school, so kids don’t always understand the rules. Develop a schedule but be ready to adjust. Your audience can range widely in age, so you’ll need to develop appropriate activities to engage everyone’s interest. One great thing about a library event is that parents and other adults will often stay. This makes it easier to break out into stations so a parent and child can explore a bit more independently. Do try to have friends and family available to help at each activity. Finally, you also have to allow for families to come and go as they need.

K: What do you think are the three most important elements for a successful school visit or book launch, especially for authors who write picture books?

1.    The most important thing is to extend your book beyond its pages. Engage the kids with activities that enhance the book experience. Many books are fun for these kids, but you want to make yours stand out with an outstanding experience.

2.    It really helps make the event successful when you have a champion at the venue, that teacher or librarian who is just as invested as you in making it a fun and memorable experience for the audience.

3.    Learn from each experience for the next. You’ll see early on how long the kids’ attention span lasts, what’s working for an age group, and more importantly what’s not. After an event, always ask for suggestions to make it better. Teachers can pinpoint subtle things that can make a huge difference because they know these kids so well.

K: At your book launch, you had various fun station set up for kids --a haiku writing station, Ninja mask making and painting station, and a cardboard ninja star throwing game (fun!!) What advice do you have for authors regarding crafts and games?

There were certainly some lessons learned. I was a little overambitious on the mask making with paints and markers. I’d suggest always going simple. The kids got too focused on decorating their masks and didn’t always get to experience the other activities (plus it makes for a tougher cleanup).

Have lots of help. Family and writer friends love to celebrate in the launch and jump in to help lead an activity. This frees you as the author to spend some time individually with your young fans. Make sure to do that. Ask and answer as many questions. You should make these kids as important to the event as the book and the activities.

K: And how did you come up with the fabulous ideas for your crafts? Furthermore, how many arts and crafts stations or game stations do you think are important for a book launch?

Does this answer change for school visits?

I think the number of activities isn’t as important as making sure what you do have planned is safe, engaging and somehow relate to your book. That said, a bigger event should have variety especially if you expect children of varying ages and abilities. You should have some activities that are self-driven by the kids and others where they are challenged but guided by a helper or parent. One easy thing is to have plenty of activity sheets. These are things they can take home, so always brand them with your book and contact information.

Most of my ideas came from parenting blogs. You can find craft and activity ideas on most any theme. Also invite your kids or kids in your target audience to weigh in with ideas. Don’t forget to ask the host at your event venue, too.  They know specifics about what NOT to include in a program.

The crafts and activities you choose absolutely depend on the type of launch event. It’s dependent on the age range, the wider the range, the more offerings you should have.

Schools are different. You’ll definitely be limited on the number and type of activities because you’ll be the primary one leading them. Answering questions and helping 20+ kids can be much tougher. Have samples and prompts prepared if you are doing some type of writing exercise and do one as a class together so they get the idea.

K: Todd, I love the song and lyrics you created, and so did the kids. There was lots of laughter when they danced to What Would a Ninja Do. How can other authors go about creating their own music?

Involving music and movement is ideal for a book event. It’s a fun way to engage the kids because you are involving so many senses. If you have an idea and want to pursue it, definitely do it.

It’s great that there are so many people who love music from high school and college music students to people who play in the band at a local church. I have no skill when it comes to music, so I reached out to a guy I’d heard sing many times. I told him what I was looking for, and was delighted that he was so excited for a fun project. So don’t be surprised who might lend their talents.

K: Regarding time management, how much time do you allot to each component of your presentation to kids?

It’s amazing how the time for your visits will go by so fast. I think you are wise to keep each activity to about 7 to 10 minutes. Otherwise, you can start to loose kids. Alternate your activities between ‘quiet’ ones and active ones. I’d also typically advise starting with group activities then moving towards the independent ones to conclude.

I noticed that you engaged the kids in a question and answer session throughout the presentation. Smart idea! It kept the kids on their toes and drawn to your presentation. What other gems of advice do you offer authors to make the visit successful?

Forget that the day is ‘your day’ or a day about your book. Make it all about the kids’ experience. The book is just a small part of that, but it will be memorable if you’ve made they time fun.

What process did you go through with the library to set up your book launch?

For writers, your librarians should become your best friends. I spend so much time there with my kids already and was lucky when the time came around for my book to launch, to have a champion in my home library. Having that support can make an event so successful and now be able to use her as a reference to get into other libraries with this program.

It’s a matter of first, asking if you can provide a program. But be prepared when you make a contact at your library. Show that you are professional with a full plan for the event and by explaining how it all ties together as more than a simple reading if you are asking for support for a launch event.

Finally, be open to suggestions and change. Most libraries are quite experienced now with wonderful summer reading programs to have great tie-in ideas. Just listen.

What process have you gone through to set up your school visits?

You should start now making friends with your own kids’ teachers and librarians or those in your neighborhood.  As a debut author, I did not have any reference visits to point to when asking to be a visiting author. So I determined to avoid the red tape by approaching the administrators of schools. I went straight to classroom teachers and librarians that I knew. I was prepared with what I could bring and how that might extend what the kids were doing in class.

I wanted to build up my experience as a classroom presenter, so initially I have not asked for a visit fee. That’s a great way to get a foot in the door. Most teachers will jump at a chance to bring in an author to speak to kids. If you’re charging little or nothing to speak, they’ll be happy to generate some buzz with parents and send pre-order forms home with kids in advance of your visit. The kids take home a flyer so they are anticipating something cool is coming up. They are ready and looking forward to the event. Create the order form and email it to your teachers. Make it easy for them to sell your book and kids’ parents to buy it.

What’s the best parting advice you can give us about creating a successful book launch event?

It’s all about preparation. With the agent advice I mentioned earlier, I say spend time on creating and testing out activity ideas that enhance your story and make the entire event memorable. These are things you’ll be able to use again and again once you’ve got them in your pocket.

The best thing I did was to get into a smaller environment first to learn some lessons. I suggest you incorporate as many senses as possible, especially movement. There is so much research indicating how cross-body movements create cross-brain activity and connectivity in children.

Thank you so much for your time, Todd!

If you would like to set up a virtual visit or live with Todd, please visit his blog at:  http://www.toddtuell.com/

Todd Tuell is the co-regional adviser to the Rocky Mountain chapter of the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI). NINJA NINJA NEVER STOP is his debut book.

If you are in the Denver area and would like to bring your child to Todd’s next event, please join him at Tattered Cover Book Store in Highlands Ranch at 10:30am.

Location: 9315 Dorchester Street in the new Highlands Ranch Town Center on Highlands Ranch Parkway between Broadway and Lucent Boulevards. A parking lot is conveniently located in the front of the store. The zipcode is 80129.

Or you can find him at Barnes and Noble in Boulder in June, 2999 Pearl Street, Boulder CO 80301

Don’t miss Todd at the 95th ANNIVERSARY CHILDREN’S BOOK WEEK CELEBRATIONS!!

MG/YA Author Panel
Wednesday, May 14^th, 6:30p.m.
Tattered Cover Colfax, Denver
Join Melanie Crowder, Lindsay Eland, Claudia Mills, Ellen Mahoney, Christine Liu-Perkins and Barbara Wright as they present their recently published novels and participate in a panel Q&A. There will be door prizes and a drawing for a Young Author manuscript critique!

Picture Book Group Story Time
Saturday, May 17^th, 10:30a.m.
Tattered Cover Highlands Ranch
Celebrate the beauty and wonder of picture books written by Libby Martinez, Jean Reidy, Todd Tuell and Nicole Weaver. There will be readings by each author as well as door prizes and fun activities for all attendees!

ABOUT CHILDREN'S BOOK WEEK
Children's Book Week is the annual celebration of books for young people and the joy of reading.

Established in 1919, Children's Book Week is the longest-running national literacy initiative in the country. Every year, commemorative events are held nationwide at schools, libraries, bookstores, homes -- wherever young readers and books connect! 

Children's Book Week is administered by Every Child A Reader, a 501(c)(3) literacy organization dedicated to instilling a lifelong love of reading in children. The Children's Book Council, the national non-profit trade association for children's book publishers, is an anchor sponsor.

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Mister Lemur Combines Cultural Literacy with Seuss/Silverstein Style

Mister Lemur’s book, TRAIN OF THOUGHT features short stories in rhyming verse. Many of the tales have clever educational twists. Clever, I say, because while the reader has fun, he/she never feels manipulated into learning. How? The author avoids talking down to children and freely throws in words like ‘phylum’ or ‘symbiotic’. Science words appear in the heart of adventurous and crazy stories with definitions highlighted at the bottom a respective page. While memorable images are conjured up in the midst of a wild story scene, the words stick like superglue right to the child’s mind. Voila, education transpires.  Mister Lemur stories are cute, whacky and wily with learning as an added bonus.

Although I was a bit bugged by some of the rhyming meter, I easily got over myself. The amusing stories are different from the norm; in fact, I’d categorize them as a hip version of a classical style. It’s easy to see why kids in the twenty-first century love Mr. Lemur.  The tag line on Mister Lemur’s homepage is, “Moving kids forward, taking parents back.” It’s a balance they brilliantly accomplish. Although the stories are modern, they evoke memories from a parent’s childhood.  Old PBS songs come to mind…remember Conjunction Junction, What’s your function? Mister Lemur’s Threeple feels like a shout-out to Norton Juster’s Phantom Tollbooth while 2043 has a lovely Seuss-ish feel. Furthermore the book is structured like a Shel Silverstein work. Some pages feature short poems while others include short stories and sweet black-line illustrations. Although I’ve grown to love my Kindle, the quality of this book felt luxurious in my hands.

Kudos to the creators of Mister Lemur. Their passion for children, education, science, philanthropy, wordplay and the Mister Lemur project shines. Mister Lemur's caretakers offer school visits (a Stanford, Wharton educated pair) and they provide a kid-friendly web page where children can ask Mister Lemur questions. Mister Lemur also offers writing contests, music, games, and a regular Mister Lemur newsletter. A portion of all proceeds is donated to wildlife.  

Some of my favorites from Mister Lemur include: Summer Vacations, Den Head, Threeple, Eyeball, Continental Plates, 2043

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